Tuesday, September 17, 2013

The thing about anxiety

So, here's the thing about anxiety: it advances on you while you watch from the corner of your eye, too busy with the main stage to be fully capable of stopping it. And knowing, even with your full attention, it'd still be there. Then, suddenly, you go from standing over a broken candle in the middle of Target, trying not to cry while you shepherd glass into a pile, to being inexplicably awoken at 4:30 in the morning, feeling like you need to plan your next weeks and life...or at least figure out how to get the dishes done today?

And suddenly those things you meant to do 2 weeks ago were actually 6 weeks ago. And, well, you're behind on everything anyway. 

Anxiety digs itself a hole and destroys the ladder. And then it asks you to find the way out.
And as someone who struggles knows, each time you're left wondering if it's pulled you down too deep.

Adulthood adds a whole other fun spin on things, like a healthy dose of "who the hell decided I was capable of running my own life?" or the "I want to go home, but where and what does that mean now?" Don't tell the 50-somethings, but I think it's really the 20-somethings who have the most reasons for crisis. And yet no one seems to fully acknowledge--even among ourselves--the fact that it's really incredibly crazy and scary to be at a point in your life where your decisions are profoundly effecting the next leg...and everything keeps reminding you of that. Because whatever point we're in is always supposed to be the best of our lives, right? Even when they're all unfathomably difficult in their own unique ways.

So, instead, we sit up at night asking if it's really okay to not know what we want, and where we go from here. And if those little tendrils of skin and rope and thread-barren hope you tried to drop down into the hole as you were going, flinging them out from under anxiety's cloak, will be enough to pull you back up again.

(a hat tip to Haley for broaching such topic first)

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